Funny Anti-Valentine's Day Gifts for Singles & Haters
February 14th is a holiday invented to make the unattached feel audited. This guide is the counter-argument: funny anti Valentine's Day gifts for the single, the recently single and the friends who would like it on record that they are fine. Galentine's is included. Every joke is explained, because the people eating dinner alone deserve context.
Anti Valentine's Day shirts for the freshly unavailable
The anti Valentine's Day gifts shelf is built for people whose relationship status reads "none of your business."
"I'm not unavailable, you're just blocked" hoodie
"I'm not unavailable, you're just blocked" is a rejection with the paperwork reversed. Nobody was out of reach; the phone simply stopped delivering you. A hoodie in Charcoal Heather for the person who treats the block button as a lifestyle and Valentine's Day as a reason to keep using it.
"If Leo asks, I'm 24" sweatshirt
"If Leo asks, I'm 24" works off the internet's running gag that a certain famous actor stops dating women at 25, so the speaker rounds down her age in advance. A Dusty Rose sweatshirt for the woman who has done the math and booked the cover story.
"You're not my type" long sleeve
"You're not my type" is a polite refusal that doubles as a review. The type is a person who is not in the room, and everyone in the room knows who that is. A long sleeve in Poppy, worn to the bar on the 14th by someone who has already declined three people tonight.
Single, happy and loud about it
The funny gifts for single people page and its single af shirts speak for people allergic to dating-profile cliches.
"Single & not ready to mingle" t-shirt
"Single & not ready to mingle" is the dating-profile line with one word reversed. Profiles promise "ready to mingle." This one posts the correction in cotton. A Military Green tee for the friend who comes to the party for the snacks and the exits.
"Freedom or marriage?" mug
"Freedom or marriage?" is a multiple-choice question where only one answer is in the cupboard. The question mark is decoration. A black glossy 11 oz ceramic mug that holds coffee, fits a desk and asks the same thing every morning to everyone who walks by.
"Lost me at zodiac sign" hat
"Lost me at zodiac sign" bends "you had me at hello" into a screening question. The date asked what sign you are, and the date ended there. An embroidered trucker hat in Black with an adjustable snapback, for anyone who knows exactly how many Scorpios they can tolerate in one lifetime.
"DM's are my mating call" hoodie
"DM's are my mating call" credits the direct message with the same job a bird gives its song. The courtship is a short message and a long wait for a reply. A Forest Green hoodie for the friend whose love life lives in an inbox and who will not apologize for it.
Galentine's Day: the friends who beat the date
The Galentine's Day gifts shelf swaps the plus-one for the group chat.
"I'm judging you" mug
"I'm judging you" is a mug that does the thing out loud. It sits on the table and issues a verdict on your outfit, your order and your ex, in black and white. A good brunch present for the friend who is already doing it silently and would enjoy the official paperwork.
"Chaos is my safe space" t-shirt
"Chaos is my safe space" turns the self-care phrase inside out: where other people look for calm, she finds comfort in the mess. A Maroon tee for the friend who plans the girls' night by pulling the fire alarm and leaves with the best story.
Pick one and skip the card
If the person is still hurting, aim the joke at the ex. If they are thriving, aim it at the holiday. Delivery takes 6 to 10 business days, US only, so order a week and a half ahead of the 14th and not the night before.
If the relationship ended with lawyers, the funny divorce and breakup gifts guide is next. For couples who survived it, see the funny Valentine's Day and anniversary gifts guide. Not only against it? The funny Valentine's Day t-shirts and mugs work for anybody.
Shop anti-Valentine's Day, singles and Galentine's
Funny Anti-Valentine's Day Gifts: questions
What are good anti Valentine's Day gifts?
A shirt or mug that mocks the holiday is a good anti Valentine's Day gift. "I'm not unavailable, you're just blocked" is one, and the anti Valentine's Day gifts shelf has more.
What is a funny gift for a single friend on Valentine's Day?
"Single & not ready to mingle" is a funny gift for a single friend, since it corrects the dating-profile line. The funny gifts for single people page lists more.
What is Galentine's Day and what do you give?
Galentine's Day is the day for friends instead of dates, and a funny mug or shirt is the usual gift. "I'm judging you" works. See Galentine's Day gifts.
What should I wear on Valentine's Day if I'm single?
Wear a funny single shirt, such as "You're not my type" in a long sleeve, or a hat that answers the questions before they are asked. The single hats page has options.
How early should I order?
Order about a week and a half before the 14th. Delivery takes 6 to 10 business days, US only.
