Funny Birthday Gifts for Women Who Can Take a Roast
Part of funny gifts guide
Funny birthday gifts for women should not come with a bow and a bath bomb. This guide is for the woman who will read the card out loud in the voice of someone who has seen better days, and who wants a present that does the same. Sarcastic, dark-humor mugs, tees, hats, hoodies, sweatshirts and long sleeves, grouped by what she is up against this year, with every joke explained so it can be checked before the wrapping paper.
For the woman who is not discussing her age
Birthday jokes about age work when she makes the first one. The main funny birthday gifts for women shelf has these near the top.
"If Leo asks, I'm 24" t-shirt
"If Leo asks, I'm 24" offers an age-fix for the day a famous actor's dating cutoff gets mentioned at the table. It tells the room that she is open to a negotiation about the number, and about the rules. For the birthday woman who stopped counting at twenty-nine, in Baby Blue or Black.
"Making bad decisions, surviving on great genes" long sleeve
"Making bad decisions, surviving on great genes" is a credit and a confession in one sentence. The choices were poor, the DNA covered for them. For the sister or friend who looks fine after the weekend nobody mentions, in Poppy or True Royal.
For the woman who is over it, and says so
"Summer body currently under renovation" hoodie
"Summer body currently under renovation" posts a construction notice on the human form. The contractor is slow, the permits are pending and the hood stays up. A hoodie for the birthday woman who has been "starting Monday" since the last birthday, in Sky Blue or Dusty Rose.
"I cheated on my eye exam" t-shirt
"I cheated on my eye exam" confesses to a test where cheating means memorizing the chart. It is the lightest crime on the shelf, and the joke is the pride. For the friend who passed with flying colors and a squint, in Heather Mint or Navy.
For the woman who is done with men, or nearly
For a wife, a girlfriend or a sister, the shelves below carry the sharper lines.
"Future Ex Wife" mug
"Future Ex Wife" gives the bride a title she can hold before the wedding and keep after. It is a black glossy 11 oz mug that holds coffee and a grudge, in one hand. For the birthday of a woman who has a lawyer's number saved under "Dentist".
"It's not me...it's you" mug
"It's not me...it's you" delivers the breakup line at its most honest, on a cup that goes in the dishwasher. It reverses the usual script, since she is the one leaving, and she is correct. For the friend who ended it and is hosting the dinner.
For the woman with a hat and a plan
"Everyone needs a starter marriage" hat
"Everyone needs a starter marriage" treats the first one like a starter home: small, cheap, likely to be replaced. An embroidered trucker hat with an adjustable snapback, in Pink or Navy/ White. For the woman on the second round and ahead of it.
Funny birthday gifts for women by age and relationship
The round numbers get their own pages: 30th birthday gifts for women, 40th, 50th, 60th and 70th. By relationship, try birthday gifts for her, for mom, for wife, for sister and for girlfriend. If the birthday person is a man, the men's guide runs the same idea with different targets.
Give her the line she would have said herself, if she had thought of it first.
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Funny birthday gifts for women: questions
What is a good funny birthday gift for a woman?
A line she would say herself, on something she wears or drinks from daily. An age joke on a tee, a renovation joke on a hoodie or a breakup joke on a mug works, because the joke is hers.
What is a funny birthday gift for a woman who is turning 30, 40 or 50?
A joke that handles the number for her. "If Leo asks, I'm 24" lets her argue about the age, and the 30th, 40th and 50th pages list more lines for each decade in the same dry register.
What is a funny birthday gift for my best friend or sister?
A hoodie or tee that matches her worst habit, like "Summer body currently under renovation" or "I cheated on my eye exam". Friends and sisters can take the sharper line, so go one notch past what you would tell her mother.
What is a funny birthday gift for a mom or wife?
A mug is the easy answer, since it needs no size and sits in her hand every morning. "Future Ex Wife" and "It's not me...it's you" both fit a wife with an edge, if you are brave enough to give them.
How soon should I order?
Order at least two weeks ahead. Delivery takes 6 to 10 business days after ordering, to US addresses only, and a return request stays open for 21 days after delivery if the size is wrong.
