funny newlywed gifts (18)

A long sleeve shirt for the plane, since the cabin is cold and the ring is new. "Physically capable, emotionally unavailable" fits the spouse who carries every bag and never says a word about it.

Settling means accepting less, and settling down means getting married, and the line insists it is only the second. A groom gives that answer when a friend asks if he is sure.

Sizes run XS to 2XL in this cut. The size guide gives width and length in inches for each one, so measure a shirt that already fits and match it to the chart.

Yes, because the jokes are about the institution and not about the two people. A line about a prenup or a dishwasher is a toast, and every couple has heard worse at the rehearsal dinner.

The whole marriage rulebook fits in one breath. The husband agrees with his wife when she is correct and agrees again when she is not, and he calls the second agreement peace. The long sleeve shirt lets him say so in public.